Friday, June 2, 2017

My Brain Exploded. | Delayed Overload

It's days like this that remind me of my limitations.

I've been doing really well lately, feeling like I can take on the world. That feeling flew far out of existence this morning when my overwhelm hit me like a ton of bricks.


And for no reason.

I take excellent care of my physical and mental health, so logically there shouldn't be any reason for this to happen if I was like most people. But I'm not like most people. I have Asperger's.

I know my ASD makes my brain neurodivergent and unique, and has helped shape who I am. So I don't hate me, I just hate the bad side of ASD! (And OCD, I have both)

My theory is that my recent bouts of exhaustion are due to "delayed overload." Since my lifestyle habits and supplements help increase my mental capacity, I can take in a lot more information than normal! I can do a lot more, too.

But every once in a while, that pile of sensory data and information explodes in my brain.



I go back to feeling like a failure as my body and mind feel sick. I suddenly can't control my thoughts, and I'm afraid of doing anything lest I add more fuel (information) to the flames (my broken brain).

I already feel bad about my social failures as is: like not hanging out often enough, or not being able to reply to all my emails and messages. I know part of it is that I know too many people, and part of it is my scattered attention...

I feel like no matter what I've done in life, I'm still a ditzy amateur and not meeting expectations.




The best I can do in these situations is wait it out, by myself. (Lest I vomit my insecurities on other people). I allow myself feel the pain, and let it pass. It helps to see it as a natural part of my system restoration process. Like running updated software on a system with outdated hardware, I sometimes gotta take a day to fix my system so I can continue to function at everyone else's level.

Sorry, everyone. I'll feel like myself again soon.

4 comments:

  1. I love the way you express your thoughts so clearly but creatively! Please, for our sake, never stop writing. And take all the time you need to recharge your mental batteries. Best of luck, I hope you feel better soon. Take care!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous just posted exactly what I would like to say. I couldn't say it any better, hence, this reply! Doris

      Delete
    2. Thanks Doris, great to see you on my blog site! :)

      Delete
  2. One can just envision what they would have said in regards to brain works out. brain pills amazon

    ReplyDelete